Before getting married, and when my age was approaching thirty, I put in extra effort to find my soulmate.
Apart from my mother starting to be nagging about asking about suitors, I myself do not want to remain a bachelor indefinitely. The intention that I hold firmly is to follow the example of the Prophet SAW.
So I once participated in a matchmaking event held by a private radio station in Surabaya. The host, who was a close friend, strongly supported my idea to join his program.
Not stopping there, I ask my colleagues at work or in the community. If anyone wants to be introduced, I am open to getting to know them. As a result, I got to know several people through the matchmaker services of my friends themselves.
Maybe it was destined, I met my potential wife through worldly matchmaking---hehehe. This happened after moving to Jakarta, and after countless efforts were made.
Alhamdulillah, this year our marriage has passed two decades. May it be lasting, until only death separates us.
Bahwa dari serentetan pengalaman saya alami, dalam proses menemukan tambatan hati. Faktor setara/ sekufu antara suami istri, memang tidak bisa diabaikan.
Equal in thought, equal in decision-making attitude. So that no gap or disparity occurs in family life.
But I strongly agree, the importance of a compatible partner in marriage.
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Kompasianers, has anyone ever been asked to be a matchmaker?
I once was, during my time in Surabaya. I, who was still single at that time, was in a dilemma because it was still a process of searching. So I did not dare to promise, as I was still in the stage of searching.
From a few seniors who are knowledgeable about religion, I have found enlightenment. That matchmaking should not be arbitrary or haphazard. There are things that must be considered to ensure the success of the matchmaking. The answer is to match based on compatibility or equality.
A person who needs a partner won't just accept someone who is thrust upon them. Just like I was in the past, weighing up women who were introduced to me. Everything still has its process, even when one is in need of a heart's anchorage.
It is compatibility, so that they flow well when talking to each other. Tastes should not be too different, to ensure that one's own pleasure is not belittled by the partner. And only those who are compatible, who have similar perspectives.
Stages, also don't use the excuse of being too exclusive; we are too rigid in setting standards. If we are too selective, it can lead to selfishness. It's normal for people to have shortcomings, because we ourselves are also like that. As long as it can still be tolerated, there's no harm in learning from each other.
Because time keeps passing, automatically age will also keep increasing. If you take too long to choose, you won't get married anytime soon.
The arranged marriage of sekufu, I once read an article by Kompasianer Nurul Rahmawati. She acted as a matchmaker for two Crazy Rich Surabaya members, and it was proven that both of their marriages were harmonious. (The article can be found in SINI )
Pentingnya Pasangan yang Sekufu dalam PernikahanThis is Zaid bin Haritsah, the adopted son of Prophet Muhammad SAW, who married Zainab binti Jahsh. They were a righteous couple, considered an ideal pair in their time.
A year after getting married, Zaid complained to the Prophet about his wife. Zainab had a strong demeanor, and her words were considered sharp and to the point by Zaid. The Prophet asked Zaid to be patient, but after trying, he was still unable to endure it.
Dengan sepengetahuan Rasulullah, di kemudian hari keduanya bercerai secara baiki-baik. Nabi mendoakan, masing-masing mendapat pasangan lebih baik.
After Zaid got married, Usamah bin Zaid was born. He would become the youngest commander (18th) in the history of Islam, becoming as great a hero as his father.
From this story, scholars concluded that a righteous husband and a righteous wife are indeed good, but the factor of compatibility or congruence also cannot be ignored.
Zaid bin Harisah was once a slave (who had been freed), while Zainab, a woman from the Quraish tribe, had a noble lineage in Arabia. The gap that could not be bridged, the husband could not keep up and the wife also could not lower herself.
If both can adapt, it could be like the relationship between the Prophet's employees and Khadijah, who was a merchant. After becoming husband and wife, Khadijah became very dependent on her husband, who was skilled in trade. The Prophet was very authoritative, and after marriage, he took control of the business.
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During my time off, I once met several women through matchmaking channels. Some were introduced by my landlady, a colleague from the same office, distant relatives, and so on.
Among the female friends introduced, there were some who worked in offices, some who were employees of state-owned enterprises, some who were civil servants, and some who were still university students.
The first time meeting and talking becomes an opportunity for me to assess myself. With initial judgment, I have an instinct whether to continue or it's enough to meet just once. After several chats, I usually decide to stop or continue.
Since it's still very early, if it doesn't continue between us, it's not a big problem. Each of us is mature enough to agree from the beginning.
The pun regarding matchmaking, I don't feel uncomfortable. We remain friends, both with the matchmaker or the one introduced.
I don't know, at which attempt to matchmake, finally I met my future wife. At our first meeting, I felt we clicked and were compatible. We could converse well, and I had the courage to meet my future in-laws at that time.
The choice to find a partner requires a balance of external effort and internal effort. Externally by expanding social circles, and internally through prayer and religious rituals. And this balance will determine the seriousness of the endeavor.
Namely, being equal in thought, equal in conversation, equal in religion, equal in what one can only feel oneself.
After going through ups and downs in married life, after facing various problems together, I realize the wisdom of having a compatible partner in marriage. May it be beneficial.
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