In our weekly series, readers can email in with any financial dilemma and enter the Money Moral Maze .
Are your friends racking up big drinks tabs and then trying to split the bill equally? Is your partner overspending on your joint account? No matter your dilemma, email in anonymously, and The i Paper’s money and business team will do our best to answer.
This week’s dilemma can be found below – email us at money@inews.co.uk with yours.
Dilemma
I went out for dinner with three friends after work the other day – to a mid-range Italian restaurant in Oxford.
The meal wasn’t cheap. We ordered a bottle of wine, a couple of starters to share, and mains that averaged around £17 each. In total, the bill came to just over £110.
But what really annoyed me was the automatic 12.5 per cent service charge – £13.75 – added to the bill, especially considering how poor the service was.
I know this is standard now, especially in cities, but we waited nearly 40 minutes for our food, even though the place wasn’t that busy.
The waiter seemed disinterested the whole time. We’re talking no eye contact, no check-in to see if things were all right, and when we asked for some water, we had to remind him twice. One of the mains arrived lukewarm and had to be sent back. Nobody apologised.
When the bill came, I asked the waiter if the service charge was optional, which my friends hated but I felt was justified. He just shrugged.
I paid for the food and drinks but left the service charge off when paying by card . One of my friends looked particularly uncomfortable and said she always pays it regardless – that it’s unfair not to.
She did make me feel a little bad, especially knowing that some restaurants make staff rely on tips to top up low wages , but to me, it felt wrong to reward bad service.
Be honest, was I out of order for not paying it?
Emily Braeger, The i Paper’s money reporter, replies
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Tipping can feel like a minefield, especially when the service doesn’t match the price you’re paying.
In the UK, unlike the US , tipping isn’t mandatory, but the rise of automatic service charges has blurred the lines.
It’s important to know that these charges are technically optional, even though they’re often presented as a given.
Refusing to pay a service charge because of poor service is absolutely within your rights – and if more people did it, it might even put pressure on restaurants to improve.
But the financial reality is a bit more complicated and it can be incredibly awkward to ask them to remove it.
Many hospitality staff rely on tips or service charges to supplement wages that are often barely above minimum wage.
Some restaurants pool these charges and divide them between staff, while others aren’t transparent at all, and management might take a cut. The issue is, you’ll never know how they do it.
So, how do you navigate this fairly? I think if the service was genuinely poor, you shouldn’t feel obliged to tip – but I would consider speaking to a manager, so the reason is clear.
If you’re unsure where the money goes, asking how the service charge is distributed can help you make a more informed decision next time.
It’s not wrong to want value for money, but it’s also fair to think about the humans behind the scenes.
If you’ve been to the restaurant before, and the poor service is the exception, not the norm, maybe a smaller tip with feedback is a better middle ground.
Skipping the charge can send a clear message and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t the easiest thing to bring up, though, and I would prepare for those at your table to give you the side eye when doing so.
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