Often portrayed as the happiest day of a person's life, a wedding unites hearts, but it can also create a rift in self-esteem. Between the chaotic fittings, the small-scale fashion show in front of a not-so-gentle audience, the wedding dress chosen under pressure from loved ones that clashes with your curves instead of flirting with them, the photographer's lens that becomes intrusive... Your relationship with yourself deteriorates as the ceremony progresses.
The fitting room, the beginning of disenchantment
The little girl in us always dreamed of it. She imagined a wedding worthy of a fairy tale and saw herself in a voluptuous princess dress, with a long train and sprinkled with tulle. She projected herself onto the main stage, arm in arm with her handsome white knight, to indulge in a waltz. However, the glitter that made our eyes sparkle at the mere mention of the word "wedding" dissipates as soon as we cross the curtain of the dreaded fitting room , aka the complex maker.
Even when we live in harmony with our bodies and have a confidence that remains true to us, this passage in front of the mirror awakens distant insecurities. Between the saleswoman who points out that our body shape isn't the best, the relatives who judge each dress without weighing their words, the unflattering lighting that highlights what we consider to be flaws. The fitting, supposed to make us feel like Cinderella, gives us the impression of being a rough draft, of having an unfinished silhouette, to be perfected before the big day.
Before the wedding, we went out in short skirts, tight dresses, and tops that barely touched our midriffs. During fittings, our self-esteem suddenly unravels. We wish we had an invisibility cloak over our shoulders to disappear and escape this nightmare. The dresses that cling to our curves seem to silently insult every inch of skin. The body becomes a temporary project. To be refined. To be smoothed.
The body under control... to shine?
Once the wedding dress is purchased, the body is under close surveillance. To be able to zip up the top when it's time to say "I do" and fit the hips through the narrow opening of the dress, we are extra careful with our weight. We keep our eyes fixed on the slightest roll that the wide-angle lens might capture. We climb on the scale, which we boycotted for years to check our weight. If before we gazed at ourselves tenderly, during this time separating us from the ceremony, we come into conflict with our reflection.
We no longer truly belong to ourselves. The phrase "I have to fit into my dress" becomes almost an obsession and puts an end to the pact of self-esteem we had made. Marriage is not really a celebration of self-esteem. The way we look at our reflection becomes that of others. Am I elegant enough? Slim enough? Desirable enough for this moment that is supposed to be the most beautiful of my life?
The ceremony as a symbolic breaking point
Then comes the big day. The makeup is flawless, the hair is perfectly set, and the dress hugs your curves perfectly. For some women, this day is idyllic, without a single shadow in sight, but for others, it also marks the beginning of a silent estrangement from their bodies. Because we've controlled them so much, sculpted them so much, that it becomes difficult to return to a more "ordinary" version of ourselves afterward. We've worked on our smiles to anticipate every wild flash. We've trained ourselves to be photogenic, even with tears at the edge of our mascara. It's not that love disappears. It's the feeling of having been "beautiful on command," and no longer being so "naturally."
Unconsciously, we also try to evoke that transfixed look our partner gave us at the altar, but without the dress and the jewels, the magic no longer works. We feel a bit like we're experiencing the same brutal return to reality as Cinderella after the ball. Marriage may have strengthened our relationship, but it has also damaged our confidence. We've progressed in our romantic relationship and regressed in our relationship with ourselves.
Regaining possession of one's body after the fairy tale
What if the true act of love wasn't about transforming ourselves for a day, but about staying true to ourselves along the way? To tell ourselves that our bodies don't have to conform to a size 36 strapless dress standard to deserve celebration, love, and joy?
Many women rediscover this awareness after marriage, sometimes months or years later. They rediscover their body, no longer as that of a "wife," but as an intimate, powerful, and free territory. They must learn to reclaim and cherish it. They must keep a little love to devote to themselves and not invest it entirely in the couple.
Much is said about the vows exchanged on a wedding day, but if one commitment were to last through the seasons, it might be this: to never betray one another to live up to a fixed ideal. Shower each other with flowers without restraint.
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